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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25514161">Salt</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyrchance/pseuds/pyrchance'>pyrchance</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Spice Rack [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>My Chemical Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Band</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:08:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,783</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25514161</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyrchance/pseuds/pyrchance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray has a kind face and gentle hands.</p><p>Gerard doesn't realize quite how lonely he's been until they meet.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ray Toro/Gerard Way</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Spice Rack [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1894375</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>116</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Salt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s dark inside Gerard’s head.</p><p>The street outside the party is pretty dark too. Gerard is too old to be here. The cigarette in his hand might be legal but he doubts most of the others being lit are. He doesn’t hate teenagers, not at all, but they scare him. He thinks maybe it’s because he did his own teen years all wrong; spent them hiding when he should have been out here, bright like Mikey, with flushed cheeks and low inhibitions.</p><p>He takes a few steps further away from the house where the party spins; finds a quiet spot of sidewalk where the streetlights don’t touch him to sit down. He doesn’t want Mikey to spot him and worry.</p><p>It’s a warm and windy night, but he burrows down into his hoodie anyway, knees tucked up where he rest his arms. He’s not sure why he’s here exactly, except that Mikey had asked and Gerard has trouble saying no and maybe he was tired of just moving from one tiny indoor box to another and the silence of his own room.</p><p>“Can I bum one?”</p><p>There’s a tall guy with taller hair standing up the sidewalk. Gerard didn’t hear him come up, but he sort of recognizes the guy as one of Mikey’s friends. This doesn’t mean a lot, usually, but Gerard thinks he might have seen this one around their house once or twice so he’s probably not a tool. Mikey doesn’t bring dicks home.</p><p>Gerard isn’t one to stand in the way of someone else’s nicotine fix. He holds out his pack and passes the guy his lighter. The guy sits down on the curb beside to him. Gerard wasn’t expecting it, but he doesn’t mind it. </p><p>“Thanks. You’re Mikey’s brother, right? I think we’ve met before.”</p><p>It’s likely. Gerard nods and fills in his name. He isn’t offended that the guy doesn’t remember it. The guy snaps like Gerard’s name is an answer on Jeopardy.</p><p>“That’s it.” He holds out his hand. “I’m Ray.”</p><p>Ray has a rounder face than most of Mikey’s friends. It makes him look kind. He’s probably a little older too, out of high school, or at least he doesn’t look like one of the over-exposed, bleached-out, skinny things Mikey usually knocks elbows with. Ray’s wearing faded pale jeans and a worn Queen shirt. When he looks at Gerard his eyes crinkle behind his glasses.</p><p>“Looks like we’re getting a storm,” Ray observes, leaning back on his elbows and tilting his head up at the sky. Gerard looks up too. It’s summer. Heat plus rain often equals thunder. Gerard always likes it when it rains. It makes the world feel cleaner after.</p><p>“That’d be nice,” he offers and leans back too. Even though they’re not touching, the phantom heat of shared company warms Gerard. “The city could use it.”</p><p>Sound travels funny at night in the suburbs. The thrum of the bass is broken up by shrieks of laughter as kids run in and out of the house. It sounds like a good party. No voices are raised in anger. It’s loud, but not wild. Gerard sort of gets why Mikey wanted him to come. There are probably even people inside Gerard knows, but Gerard isn’t in the mood to find them. He glances to the side and wonders if the same is true for Ray.</p><p>Ray doesn’t look like a scene kid. In fact, there’s a softness to him that reminds Gerard of himself. Ray doesn’t look like he has anything to prove here. Mikey attracts all types, but Gerard’s gravity is weaker. It isn’t often someone new drifts into his orbit and decides to stay. </p><p>The first drops of rain sizzle as they land. That’s how hot the day had been. Gerard pulls his hood up and crushes his cigarette on the cement. Ray gets to his feet first and offers him down a hand.</p><p>“Are you going back inside?” Ray asks once they’re both on their feet. The fat drops of summer rain begin to pelt them as the sky slowly splits.</p><p>Gerard can’t think of a single thing he’d rather do less. Mikey’ll be okay without him. He always is.</p><p>“Nah. You?”</p><p>“It’s not really my scene,” admits Ray. His glasses are already dotted with rain and fogging up. He squints through them, cocking his head. “Want to get out of here?”</p><p>“And do what?”</p><p>Ray shrugs. “Want to go eat?”</p><p> </p><p>They end up at the best sort of place, a classic New Jersey 24-hour diner that Ray knows. The windows spill pink halogen lighting out into the puddles as they drive up. The girl that comes to serve them looks about twelve and is chewing bubble gum with a vengeance. She brings them coffee without them having to ask for it.</p><p>“They’ve got killer fries,” Ray suggests, once they’ve warmed their fingers around their cups and shrugged off their wet outer layers.</p><p>Fries it is. Gerard pays.</p><p>It’s sort of nice sitting in a booth with someone who is not his family. Gerard lost contact with most of his friends once high school ended. Without forced daily interaction he found there just wasn’t much left to tether them. They didn’t have as many overlapping interests as shared classes had led him to believe. He sort of regrets losing touch, but not enough to do anything about it. Sitting across from Ray reminds Gerard what it’s like to look at someone who is not his brother and who’s mind is still a mystery Gerard doesn’t know.</p><p>It helps that Ray is of a quiet sort too. He crumbles up the paper liner from his straw as he sits, not saying much, but smiling absently whenever he notices Gerard looking. Their ankles keep knocking under the skinny booth no matter how many times they each pull them back. Eventually, one of Gerard’s shoes comes to rest somewhere against Ray’s shin.</p><p>“So how’d you meet Mikey?” Gerard asks when the fries are served between them and the ketchup has been doled out. Ray likes his fries with extra salt and sprinkles it enthusiastically across the basket.</p><p>“Oh, at a show,” Ray says and waves a hand, “but I knew of him before I knew him, you know? I’d seen him around the record store before. I think someone told him I play guitar because he tried to set me up with this other group of guys he knew that were looking to start a band.”</p><p>Gerard perks up. Mikey’s got Gerard’s sense of music. “You’re in a band?”</p><p>“It didn’t really work out,” says Ray.</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“I dunno. They thought they were super hardcore or something. I guess I didn’t fit their image.”</p><p>Ray shrugs, like this doesn’t matter. Gerard is once again reminded about how much most people suck in this world and why he rarely bothers to leave his room. He isn’t going to prod a sore spot though. Luckily, Gerard can talk about music almost as much as he can comics.</p><p>“That sucks,” he says, because it’s worth saying. He promptly snags another fry and changes the subject. “So, what kind of stuff do you play?”</p><p> </p><p>They end up going through a full pot of coffee and another basket of fries. It’s getting to that point of the night where it’s more morning than anything else even though the sky is black. The storm is coming down hard as they race across the pavement and throw themselves back into the car.</p><p>They’re both laughing by the time they get the doors shut. The car fogs quickly as Gerard turns the ignition and blasts the heat, lifting the rain from their soaked jackets and pressing it against the chilled windows.</p><p>Ray turns to Gerard with a big grin that is becoming more and more familiar. “Where to now?”</p><p>For once, Gerard doesn’t want to run back to his room. He’s got no desire to go back to the party, if it’s even still going. Part of him wants to stay in the little space of his car and just hang onto this rare feeling of a new friend beside him. He had no idea he’d been this lonely until Ray came around to remind him what it felt like to be around another person.</p><p>It takes Gerard just a minute to realize there’s no reason why he can’t have just what he wants.</p><p>“The beach?” Gerard asks and this makes Ray smile harder. Gerard throws them in reverse and points Ray towards his CD collection and then they’re flying down the freeway towards the shore with the sound of rain and thunder and screaming guitars in their ears. Not hardcore his ass.</p><p>It’s deep enough into the night that even the freeway is barely trafficked. Everything is blurred and shiny in the rain. It turns each pair of headlights into twinkling eyes that run golden across the black asphalt.</p><p>Gerard parks them at one of the only beaches he knows, as close to the water as he can. He leaves the car running. Between swipes of the windshield wipers he can just make out the white crest of the sea churning out beyond the sand. There’s no one on the beach. Why would there be? He turns off the headlights but keeps the heater going and the world is so wet it’s like the entire parking lot is swaying with it. The world could flood and they wouldn’t even notice it.</p><p>They light another two cigarettes, cracking the windows just enough for a steady patter of rain to fall through the gap. Gerard wets his finger in the pooling water and draws little stars on the dashboard. Ray talks with his hands through Gerard’s collection of music. He wears a smile Gerard recognizes as a man in love.</p><p>Gerard doesn’t think he’s clicked with another person this fast in his life. Oh, he barely knows Ray at all. It isn’t like with Mikey, where entire conversations can happen between looks. Everything that tumbles from Ray’s lips just makes Gerard want to nod and listen for more.</p><p>When they finish their cigarettes, there is just one more left in Gerard’s pack. He hesitates to light it, but he does, and it’s only with a little trepidation that he passes it to Ray. They both lean back their chairs, staring at the rain on the windshield as they pass the cigarette back and forth. It’s intimate and Gerard isn’t sure why—he’s shared smokes before—but he likes it.</p><p>“You’re a lot like your brother,” Ray tells him once his perusal of Gerard’s music wanes and he’s tucked the CDs away.</p><p>“It’s the eyebrows,” says Gerard blithely, but Ray shakes his head.</p><p>“That’s not what I mean.”</p><p>Gerard rolls onto his side, only a little awkward in the driver’s seat, and stares at him. After a second, Ray copies him.</p><p>“Then what do you mean?”</p><p>“Well—” Ray sucks in another smoke before passing the cigarette across the stick shift. Their fingers meet and tangle for a moment, hot from the little ember shared between them. “You’re easy to talk to.”</p><p>Gerard smiles and takes a drag. “That’s just cause I don’t say anything.”</p><p>“No.” Ray sits up a bit, getting an arm under himself so he can push up and really look at Gerard. “I mean, yes, you don’t say a lot and you’re kind of hard to read, but I can tell there’s a lot going on in there. You’re a really good listener. You look at people like, I don’t know, like they matter. Like you care.”</p><p>It’s dark enough inside the car Gerard hopes his face is hidden. Ray’s glasses are fogged up completely now and Gerard wishes he could take them down and clean them. He wants to see what’s going on behind the lenses. Gerard’s never been good at accepting compliments. He wants to know if Ray really means it. He thinks he might.</p><p>“Do you want to come over?” Gerard asks.</p><p>“Now?”</p><p>Gerard nods. “Yeah. Now.”</p><p>There’s a moment of pause, before Ray says quietly, “I don’t really do this.”</p><p>“Me either,” Gerard confesses. “I don’t do this ever.”</p><p>Ray’s face is soft as Gerard passes him the cigarette, an uncertain smile growing under the orange light of the tip.</p><p>“Yeah. Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Somehow, it’s still night when they make it back home. Not even the porch light is on, but Mikey’s shoes are kicked off in the doorway so he must have made it back just fine. Gerard doesn’t think about it as he pinches Ray’s sleeve and leads him down into the basement. Ray doesn’t complain when he doesn’t turn on a light.</p><p>Back inside his room the rain is finally muted. Gerard strips out of his sodden hoodie and drops it to the floor. He turns back around and finds Ray fiddling with his zipper, looking around Gerard’s room like there’s anything worth looking at.</p><p>“You okay?” Gerard asks. He quietly picks his way across his messy floor back into Ray’s space. Ray hunches as Gerard gets closer, folding in on himself like he could ever make himself smaller than Gerard.</p><p>“This is a bit much for me,” Ray admits, gazing somewhere in the direction of Gerard’s bed. “Maybe we could just lay down.”</p><p>“We could,” agrees Gerard.</p><p>“Or maybe I should just leave.”</p><p>“You could. I’d rather you didn’t though.”</p><p>Ray’s shoulders sag. He finally drags his gaze back to Gerard. “Yeah. Me too.”</p><p>Neither of them seem to be a first move kind of guy. Gerard, at least, is an older brother though. Maybe that’s what gives him the courage to gently push Ray’s hands away from his jacket zipper and pull it down himself. He pushes the wet fabric off of Ray’s shoulders and Ray doesn’t stop him.</p><p>Underneath, Ray’s skin is warm and damp and gleaming from the rain. He’s good and solid in Gerard’s palms and he holds still as Gerard strokes down his biceps. Both their t-shirts are wet too. Gerard sort of wants to peel Ray’s off, but is worried that’ll mean he’ll have to do the same and that’s never a good time.</p><p>Gerard wants to feel more of that warm skin though. His own body feels like a corpse in comparison. It’s so dark when he closes his eyes it’s almost like he’s back on the curb outside the party, listening to the bass thrum. He slowly wraps his arms around Ray’s waist, burrowing his face closer until he can hear Ray’s steady heartbeat. Ray wraps his arms around Gerard’s shoulders and they sway slightly, just like that.</p><p>Maybe they should just lay down. Their wet clothes are feeling more and more sticky the longer they stand in the dry air. Gerard raises his head from Ray’s chest, looking up to find Ray peering down at him. He’s waiting—and how weird is it for Gerard to be the one looked at to lead. No one but Mikey has ever really looked at him with that kind of trust before.</p><p>They haven’t even kissed yet and how odd is that, to feel intimate with this practical stranger without the ease of swapped spit.</p><p>Gerard reaches up and twists both hands around the back of Ray’s neck. He doesn’t need to stand on his tip toes to reach his lips, but he does it anyway to feel the way Ray’s hands tighten around his back to support him.</p><p>Ray’s lips are plush and soft and cool from the rain. They’re both a little hesitant still. Neither deepen the kiss into something hungry and real. It’s almost more important to feel Ray breathe than it is to taste him.</p><p>Gerard peppers his affection down Ray’s jawline. He feels the thrum of Ray’s pulse there in the junction of neck and nips at it. Ray makes a little noise that has Gerard pulling back just so he can see the expression on his face. Ray’s eyes are still hidden behind his stupid glasses. Gerard reaches up and takes those away, letting them drop in the same place as their jackets, and grinning when Ray’s eyes look down on him dark and dazed.</p><p>“You okay?” Gerard asks again, and Ray nods.</p><p>“You?”</p><p>“I’m good.” Gerard’s perfect honestly. “Kind of cold though.”</p><p>It’s fun to walk Ray back towards his bed. Ray doesn’t releases his hips and Gerard locks his fingers around Ray’s neck and it’s a bit like they’re dancing, which Gerard has never done with another person before.</p><p>Gerard’s bed is still messy from the night before and maybe he should be embarrassed by the Star Wars covers but he can’t be when he’s too busy pulling off Ray’s shirt and running his hands across the goose-pimpled skin of his chest.</p><p>“So cold,” Gerard insists, rubbing his hands up and down until the friction warms them both. Ray fingers find the damp ends of Gerard’s hair and pinches at it, drops of water running down his wrists.</p><p>“We should get you warm,” Ray says. His voice is still that same light voice that slid merrily over music facts in the car. Gerard likes that none of that has changed. It doesn’t feel as though he’s going to bed with a stranger.</p><p>“I’ll get mine if you get yours,” Gerard offers, cocking a brow. It makes Ray laugh and shake his head.</p><p>“Deal.”</p><p>Gerard grins. “Race you.”</p><p>They strip quickly. Ray has a head start, what with his shirt already somewhere on the floor, but Gerard is motivated. He doesn’t want that awkward moment where he peels out of his clothes and puts himself on disappointing display. He’s out of his shirt and jeans and stepping back into Ray’s space before Ray’s done more than unbuckle his belt and pants.</p><p>“I win,” he gloats. He helps Ray’s pants hit the floor and then Ray’s hands find their way to snake around Gerard’s hips.</p><p>Gerard wraps his arms back around Ray’s neck, takes his face in both hands, and kisses him for real this time. Ray’s hand act like they want to lift him, but Gerard isn’t having <em>that</em> embarrassment fail to fly. He changes their course and tips them both towards the bed. Ray’s teeth scrape against Gerard’s chin but it’s worth it when Gerard gets to climb on top of him and close the distance again.</p><p>They make out like the teenager Gerard doesn’t think he ever was. Ray’s hands stay firmly on Gerard’s hips and barely budge, like he’s not sure what to do with them. Gerard’s a bit more liberal with his explorations. He presses his cold fingers into the soft spots on Ray’s torso until he warms and Ray shivers.</p><p>“Your fingers are freezing,” Ray scolds, snatching his hand when it presses against his neck.</p><p>“Can’t help it.” Gerard presses his lips to Ray’s neck instead before traveling back up for his lips. “I run cold. I’m like a vampire.”</p><p>“Or a zombie,” Ray laughs as Gerard nips him.</p><p>Ray’s arms run around him like the best kind of blanket. He pulls Gerard against his torso and holds him still against his chest. Gerard closes his eyes and makes pretend it hasn’t been so forever since someone who wasn’t his family hugged him.</p><p>Ray says into his hair, “You should have told me you were cold. I wouldn’t have dragged you around in the rain.”</p><p>“I like the rain,” Gerard insists.</p><p>“You like the lightning.” Ray’s hand moves up and down on Gerard’s back in paced strokes. “I think the rain makes you sad.”</p><p>Gerard squeezes his eyes shut. Ray hands fall back to his hips and Gerard sits up, hiding his face in his hand.</p><p>“Hey. Sorry.” Ray bushes up onto his elbows, mouth tilting down. “Was that too much?”</p><p>Gerard shakes his head. He’s not offended. He just doesn’t understand how easy this is with Ray. It’s never been this easy this before. No one but Mikey has ever just gotten him.</p><p>“No,” Gerard says. “No. You’re fine. You didn’t do anything. It’s just me.”</p><p>Ray gently pulls at Gerard’s arm, asking to see his face. Gerard reluctantly allows it, letting Ray twine their fingers together and lowering them away.</p><p>“You’ve got to talk to me, Gerard,” Ray says softly, pressing his lips to the back of their clasped hands. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”</p><p>It’s dark inside of Gerard’s head. That is the one thing Gerard knows to be true. Ray isn’t totally right. It isn’t that rain makes him sad, that’s just how he is most days. Maybe that’s why he’s always been drawn to bright things—Mikey, screaming shades of red, the warmth of Ray’s hand in his own. And yes, the lightning.</p><p>“I’m not good at this,” Gerard confesses, wanting to cover his face again but can’t. It feels like dropping blood in the water, but Ray just smiles at him.</p><p>“I think we’re both doing okay,” he says. He lifts his second hand from Gerard’s hip. “Can I have your other hand though?”</p><p>Gerard blinks at him. He realizes that his other hand is wrapped tight across his stomach, like that alone could hide him. He doesn’t even really understand why he’s trying to. It isn’t like he and Ray are of completely dissimilar bodies.</p><p>“I’d really just like to see all of you,” Ray continues. His hand is still out and waiting.</p><p>“What if I don’t want you to?” Gerard asks.</p><p>“Don’t you?”</p><p>Has he really been so lonely that slipping his hand into the hand of a man he met tonight feels like a revelation? Ray’s gaze is gentle on him. Gerard already knew that about Ray. He’s not sure why he’s surprised it doesn’t change when he looks at Gerard’s body.</p><p>Both their hands are woven together now. Gerard can’t quite tell who is holding who, but then Ray lays back and raises his hands about his head, letting his arms fall onto the mattress. Just like that Gerard is holding Ray down.</p><p>Ray looks sort of abashed at having done this. Gerard had thought he was leading, then Ray, and now he’s not so sure. The ease of the give and take is strange to him. Most people he’s been with before had more experience than him and liked to push. The one girl he was with that didn’t just laid there nervously leaving Gerard to flounder on his own.</p><p>Even when hanging with Mikey, things tend to lean one way or the other. Either they were kids and Gerard was the older brother doing his best to protect or advise or they were teens and Mikey was the social butterfly trying to drag Gerard out into the light. He’s not used to people looking at him the way Ray is now.</p><p>“I’m not really sure what to do here,” Ray says a few moments later after Gerard doesn’t move. It’s not really an admittance. It’s more like he’s asking a question with more than one answer.</p><p>Gerard wonders a little down at him. Ray doesn’t seem unconfident or uncomfortable. Just like outside that party, there is a genuineness about him that Gerard could only play at. There’s something his face that says Ray won’t be disappointed with whatever Gerard might do, just that he’s curious and hopeful enough to give him that control.</p><p>In experiment, Gerard pushes down on their hands little harder. Ray fingers tighten in his grip, then loosen. His smiles sinks into one of happy contentment.</p><p>And okay. The last thing Gerard wants to do is disappoint him.</p><p>Gerard ducks down to kiss him. First, gently, in thanks. Then again with teeth.</p><p>Ray’s breathing catches when Gerard gets his bottom lip between his teeth and tugs. He doesn’t breathe at all the harder Gerard bites, just shudders. Gerard doesn’t let go until he feels the shift of Ray’s hips beneath him and a ragged gasp. Ray’s eyelashes flutter when Gerard releases him. His mouth is cherry red and sloppy. Gerard’s a messy person though. He leaves his mess all up and down Ray’s jawline in purple little bites.</p><p>They rock against each other. Ray tightens his fingers around Gerard’s and Gerard pushes Ray down into the mattress and sinks his teeth into Ray’s skin as he grinds them together. It’s wet and desperate. No finesse involved. But it feels good and honest and human.</p><p>“Gerard.” Ray’s hands spasm in Gerard’s grip. “Gerard.”</p><p>Gerard stills them both. He’s not ready for this part to end.</p><p>Ray comes back to himself with a series of dazed blinks. His eyes settle on Gerard’s, pupils blown out.</p><p>“Not yet,” promises Gerard.</p><p>Ray nods slowly, throat working as he swallows. He’s hands tug at Gerard’s grip and that weight seems to shift between them as Gerard lets him go.</p><p>Ray’s hands brush through Gerard’s hair, scraping it back over his ears, before traveling down his back. Then his fingers are on Gerard’s boxers and he’s slipping in to touch.</p><p>Gerard hisses when Ray takes hold of him. Ray strokes him slowly, watching his face, and Gerard bucks his hips and grips Ray’s arm with both hands, shaking his head. </p><p>“Talk to me, Gerard,” Ray says.</p><p>“I want to see you,” Gerard says, borrowing Ray’s words from before. “Can I show you?”</p><p>Ray nods. “Sit up a second.”</p><p>Gerard climbs stiff-kneed off of Ray, and then they’re sitting across from each other on the bed. Ray stands up and pulls his boxers off. His cock is long and full and Ray takes himself in his hand and pulls slowly, sighing without taking his eyes off of Gerard.</p><p><em>This is me</em>, his gaze seems to say. <em>Where are you?</em></p><p>Gerard can’t remember the last time he had sex. He can’t remember most of the times he’s had sex, seeing as how often alcohol is the third member in bed. When he thinks of having sex he gets flashes of sloppy blowjobs and long, scraping nails and waking up to cooled sheets. What Ray seems determined to share with him is so slow and different Gerard thinks it’ll be seared into his brain forever.</p><p>He slowly strips his underwear off. Then it’s a fight with himself to fists his hands in the sheets and let Ray just look. It’s sort of awful, even if Ray’s eyes are kind, but Ray climbs back onto the bed before Gerard can feel too self-conscious about it and then they are kissing again.</p><p>They’ve passed that weight of control between them.</p><p>Ray twists his hands into the hair at Gerard’s nape and tugs, bending Gerard back until Ray can descend on his chest with a series of sharp bites of his own. A thick thigh works its way between Gerard’s legs, pushing them apart and letting Ray draw him in closer. Their cocks press up against each other’s bellies. Gerard wants to rut but the grip on his hair won’t let him. Ray takes one nipple between his teeth and doesn’t release it until sparks of pink heat crackle through Gerard’s nerves. He pounds his fist against Ray’s chest. </p><p>“Not sure what to do, my ass,” grumbles Gerard.</p><p>Ray snorts against his skin and blows a line of cold air against the left over spit. “You make it easy.”</p><p>He takes that grip on Gerard’s hair and pulls him down to the mattress. Being under the warm weight of a person is sort of like heaven.</p><p>Ray wraps his long fingers around Gerard’s cock and strokes him in short, tight strokes. Pre-come leaks out and covers his hands. Gerard wants to twist and be embarrassed except Ray is sucking all his little noises straight from his mouth. His tongue is demanding. His lips are still slightly salty. Gerard can feel himself bruise and hopes he wakes up tomorrow purple.</p><p>Ray’s other hand holds his body up and rests near Gerard’s head. It’s a strange counterpoint to the heat of his body to feel the feather-like touch of Ray’s fingers carding through his damp hair. Gerard shives when Ray runs is nails gently over Gerard’s scalp, so entirely different paced than the grip he has on Gerard’s cock.</p><p>It’s confusing. Distracting. Memorable. Gerard can feel his climax building in the tensing of his thighs and belly; feels that moment when the scales start to tip into the heat of orgasm.</p><p>He doesn’t want it. His body is shaking for it, but he doesn’t want it.</p><p>If he comes then it’s over. Then Ray will retreat and all that warmth will disappear. Gerard can’t have that. Not yet. Not when he’s barely begun to realize how much he’s never had this.</p><p>Gerard can’t open his eyes, but he can brace his hands on Ray’s chest and push. Ray gives a startled sort of sound as Gerard flips them. Gerard isn’t the stronger of the two, but he knows what he wants when he climbs back on top, meeting Ray’s open-mouth confusion with his lips.</p><p>Gerard bats Ray’s hand off of his cock and pulls it onto his ass, where Ray’s nails twitch and dig in. Gerard breathes deeply, keeping himself elevated so as not to follow the chase of his climax and rub off too soon against Ray’s skin.</p><p>They break the kiss.</p><p>“Gerard,” says Ray, blinking open his eyes and focusing on him. “What—? What’s wrong?”</p><p>He seems shaken by the abrupt turn over. The uncertainty and concern in his face only deepens Gerard’s conviction not to finish this yet. </p><p>“You first,” says Gerard.</p><p>Ray leans up, like he’s going to protest, but Gerard slithers out of his arms and down the length of his chest. Ray’s cock is a long thing slightly wilted in neglect. Gerard circles it with his fingers and licks at the slit, grinning as he hears Ray collapse against the bed above him.</p><p>Hands come down into his hair, tugging like they want to pull him up.</p><p>“Hey. Come on, Gerard. What happened? Talk to me,” Ray implores.</p><p>Gerard gently pulls Ray’s fingers from his hair and presses them into the bed by his hips. He kisses the inside of Ray’s thigh. “I just want to do this for you,” he says. “Let me.”</p><p>Ray’s legs are a taut bracket around Gerard’s shoulders. Gerard presses another series of kisses down to Ray’s knee and holds his wrists to the bed.</p><p>“I want to,” he insists. “It’s good, I promise.”</p><p>Slowly, the muscles in Ray’s thighs unspool. Gerard takes this as victory and licks his way back up to his main prize.</p><p>He cradles Ray’s cock in one hand and sucks gently on the tip. Like Ray’s lips, his cock is slightly salty. Gerard does it again, pressing his tongue into the tip, kitten licking at the seam.</p><p>Ray makes a high pitched sound as Gerard manages to work just the tip of his tongue in. His thighs close in as his head rolls. Gerard his finds a soft piece of skin there under Ray’s knee and pinches until his legs spring apart.</p><p>“Shit!” laughs out Ray, sounding breathless.</p><p>Gerard grins. “That okay?” he asks, petting the pinched skin. He looks up just enough to see Ray’s chin nodding jerking up and down.</p><p>Well, if he liked that then…</p><p>Gerard quits playing around with the slit and works his mouth around Ray’s cock. He sucks him in as much as he can, pumping what he can’t take in his fist, setting a relentless rhythm.</p><p>Ray’s a polite partner. He keeps is hands where Gerard put them, though his fingers tangle in the covers. His hips make tiny baby jerks like he wants to thrust up, but he doesn’t. He just lets Gerard go down on him and take him apart.</p><p>When he’s finally got the courage to do something, Gerard commits. He sucks hard on Ray’s cock and it’s messy, fine, but by the noises Ray makes it doesn’t matter.</p><p>His other hand sneaks down to cup Ray’s balls. He squeezes them in his hand as he bobs his head, gently at first. Then as Ray’s breathing turns into gasps he grasps his sack firmly and pulls down.</p><p>Ray keens above him. His hips arch off the bed. Gerard chokes as his cock slips further in, sputtering just as the first shakes of Ray’s come hit his throat. </p><p>It’s really, really sloppy. Gerard coughs and has to pull off. He catches the last of Ray’s semen on his chin.</p><p>Ray pants and quivers as he comes, thighs as hard as iron. Then he practically melts into the sheets as the brunt of his orgasm leaves him.</p><p>Gerard scrubs hurriedly at his face, wiping the come from around his lips into the blankets. Blowjobs are always so embarrassing. Gerard had forgotten how much of sex is just gross.</p><p>Ray’s hand gropes blindly towards Gerard’s head.</p><p>“Come here. Come here,” he commands and Gerard pressed on more kiss next to Ray’s spent cock and goes.</p><p>Ray goes in for the kiss and Gerard turns his head away. “I’m gross,” he protests.</p><p>Ray looks doe-eyed and blissful, shaking his head and grabbing at the back of Gerard’s neck.</p><p>“No, seriously. You don’t want that,” Gerard says, pulling away.</p><p>Gradually, the post-orgasm haze fades from Ray’s eyes. His movements gain more coordination as he sits up, the shifting of his body under Gerard’s cock making him aware of just how hard he still is.</p><p>He almost just wants to ignore it. He doesn’t like this part—the one with the perfunctory ending. It’s just less fun when one of them is finished. Like a tight-rope walker, Gerard lives on the tension to carry him through the harder parts of sex.</p><p>Ray’s fingers card through Gerard’s hair again. Gerard realizes he’s ducked his chin against his chest and looks up to find Ray staring down at him.</p><p>“Hey,” greets Ray. In the afterglow, his face is even softer than Gerard remembers.</p><p>“Hi,” says Gerard softly.</p><p>“Come down here a minute, yeah?” Ray asks, tugging on Gerard’s hand this time.</p><p>Gerard lets himself be pulled onto his side until they’re laying down facing each other. Ray wraps a leg over Gerard’s legs and runs a hand down Gerard’s side. Gerard shifts, holding an arm where Ray’s fingers try to run, protecting that soft part of him.</p><p>Ray reaches between their legs, but Gerard pushes his hand away. Ray’s concern mounts.</p><p>“What is it?” he asks. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>Gerard doesn’t know how to explain that it’s just his thoughts being all stupid again. He shakes his head, pushing his forehead into Ray’s chest.</p><p>The hand stroking his side moves up to brush through his hair again. Ray’s kisses the top of his head.</p><p>“Do you want to stop?”</p><p>Ray doesn’t sound mad about this, just sort of sad. Gerard hates himself a little bit more for putting that darkness into his voice.</p><p>He shakes his head again.</p><p>He <em>doesn’t</em> want this to stop. That’s the whole problem. Gerard’s never felt this way before. He wants to drift forever in the warm press of Ray’s body against his; this person who is not his family, but who seems not just to like Gerard, but to <em>get</em> him.</p><p>Intimacy has always been a scary, foreign thing to Gerard. He doesn’t understand how he could meet Ray and in one night feel this safe around him.</p><p>Ray’s fingers work through a tangle in Gerard’s hair gently. After his works it out he says, “Do you want to keep going?”</p><p>Gerard nods, keeping his face pressed to Ray’s chest.</p><p>“Like this?” Ray asks, shifting their hips closer. He slides between Gerard’s legs, pressing his thigh against Gerard’s cock. Gerard shudders as Ray rocks them together.</p><p>“Yeah,” whispers Gerard. “Yeah.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Ray keeps his hand on the back of Gerard’s head, letting him press his cheek against the warm skin of his chest. He shifts them just a bit, hooking his other leg around Gerard’s and starting a slow rocking rhythm.</p><p>It’s a return to that same feeling of being held that nearly tipped Gerard over the last time. He’s embarrassed by how quickly his arousal stirs into an urgent heat. He finds himself picking up the pace, humping against Ray’s thigh in instinct, panting wetly against his chest.</p><p>Even as the heat inside him grows, Gerard clamps down. A little more time like this is all he wants. A few more moments not alone.</p><p>“I’ve got you,” Ray says softly, breath skating Gerard’s sweaty forehead. “Whatever it is, I’ve got you, Gerard.”</p><p>Gerard even believes him. It’s just another thing he’s going to lose as soon as this is over.</p><p>Gerard squeezes his eyes shut, squeezes down on the muscles in his stomach, whimpering but refusing to let go.</p><p>Ray’s hand scoops up Gerard’s jaw and pulls his face up. His thumb brushes at the tension in his temples.</p><p>“There you are,” whispers Ray, pressing another kiss to Gerard’s forehead, this time one he can see and watch the smile bloom after. “This is easy, hey?”</p><p>It doesn’t matter what Gerard wants. His orgasm hits with an almost painful cramp of his strained muscles. Ray holds him through it, keeping their legs tightly tied as Gerard’s hips stutter against him.</p><p>Gerard feels the wetness between them and wants to apologize, to be embarrassed again, but Ray pulls him up by the elbow and crushes their mouths together. He licks into Gerard’s mouth like he doesn’t care how disgusting it must be.</p><p>Gerard clings onto his shoulders and rides through it, holding on to the last of this closeness. He almost feels like crying when Ray finally pulls away, his lips shiny and upturned.</p><p>Ray’s thumb wipes against Gerard’s mouth, running through the saliva there. His face is very kind.</p><p>He kisses him again, this time chastely, and Gerard sighs and waits, trying not to let his disappointment show when it ends too quickly. Ray’s eyes stray from Gerard’s around the room, no doubt looking for his clothes, and Gerard braces himself for what’s coming next.</p><p>Ray squeezes Gerard’s arm and points.</p><p>“Look, the storm is gone.”</p><p>Gerard frowns as he follows Ray’s finger. The basement window is small and uncovered. Through it streams the first grey light of morning. Raindrops cling to the awning and drop slowly. The world outside is misty and still.</p><p>“We stayed up all night,” Ray says. As if on cue, Gerard yawns.</p><p>“You can stay,” Gerard says. Ray smiles gently, but doesn’t say yes.</p><p>Still, they settle down together in the mess of Gerard’s bed. Ray wipes them both off using the blanket and lets it fall off the bed, pulling just the sheet over their bodies.</p><p>That’s fine. Gerard prefers the warmth of another body instead.</p><p>He carefully pulls his limbs back to himself as they settle in, not wanting to feel it when Ray leaves.</p><p>Gerard means to stay awake, to savor this, but when he closes his eyes to blink the darkness catches him and pulls him down to dream.</p><p> </p><p>Gerard wakes up alone.</p><p>He tries not to let that hurt him as he rolls out of bed. Ray’s clothes are missing from the floor. The blanket they made of mess of is crumpled near the foot of his bed.</p><p>Gerard almost lets himself go back to sleep, but he know if he doesn’t get up the first time he’ll spend the whole day in bed.</p><p>He finds clothes on the floor and pulls them on, pushes his blanket a little further under his bed in case Mikey or his mom come down. He wonders what time Ray left, what time it is now. Outside his window, the world is still grey. He doesn’t think he missed the morning.</p><p>Upstairs, Gerard can hear his brother in the kitchen. He wonders if Mikey got luckier than him last night. If there was one thing the Way brothers shared, it was their inability to make people stay.</p><p>Gerard walks into the kitchen. Mikey sits at the kitchen table, talking through a mouthful of cereal. He squints up at Gerard as he comes in, sleepy-eyed and thoroughly hung over.</p><p>“Hey, Gee,” he greets. “Have you met Ray yet?”</p><p>Across the table, Ray looks up from his own bowl and smiles. “We’ve met,” he says. In the daylight, his brown eyes flash as he looks at Gerard. “Good morning. It’s good to see you.”</p><p>Gerard sits down slowly. A knee knocks against his under the table. Ray’s smile is familiar and knowing.</p><p>Gerard ducks his head and basks in the warmth of morning.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was inspired by Bullet's 18th birthday and East Coast storms. If you liked it, I lurk in the comments down below. </p><p>You can also find me on tumblr @<a href="https://pyrchance.tumblr.com">pyrchance</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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